Perfectly Bad

I think this correspondence between an actor and me might resonate with some of you. My responses to the writer are in ALL CAPS below.

Hey Les,

. . .  I know that today was not great acting for me and I know I have issues in my acting. I just didn’t realize that my issue was that I’m trying to be perfect. I feel like if that is the issue I’ve had since you’ve known me and the issue that’s keeping me from success in the business, I need to fully understand it and know how to not do it.

YUP, THERE YOU ARE TRYING TO BE PERFECT ABOUT HOW TO NOT BE PERFECT.

I guess I just don’t know how to try to not be perfect,

RIGHT, YOU NEED TO BE SURE TO BE PERFECT ABOUT NOT BEING PERFECT.

how to let go. What can I do to let go?

CARE LESS.  A LOT LESS.  ABOUT EVERYTHING.  OR, PREFERABLY, DON’T CARE AT ALL.

I’m worried that if I let go and stop trying to be perfect I won’t have anything.

YUP.

BUT YOU WON’T NOT HAVE ANYTHING.  YOU JUST WON’T HAVE PERFECTION.  AND RIGHT NOW PERFECTION IS THE ONLY THING THAT’S ACCEPTABLE TO YOU. BUT PERFECT IS NOT ACCEPTABLE TO ME AT ALL.  PERFECT IS NOT HUMAN. IT IS PLASTIC SURGERY AND BORING AND NOT RELATABLE. 

PERFECT IS PRE-CREATED, MEMORIZED AND BRONZED LINE READS. 

YOU NEED TO LEARN TO LOVE IMPERFECTION.  YOU NEED TO LUST AFTER NOT BEING PERFECT — AFTER BEING BAAAAAAAAAAAAD.

IT AIN’T EZ.

I’m worried that if I’m not at least trying to be good I will be terrible.

HM. I THINK YOU’RE WORRIED THAT IF YOU’RE “NOT AT LEAST TRYING TO BE PERFECT YOU WILL BE TERRIBLE.”  AND YOU VERY WELL MIGHT BE.  TERRIBLE.  BUT AT LEAST, THANK GOD, YOU WON’T BE PERFECT, WHICH IS, IN MY OPINION, WORSE.  TERRIBLE IS AT LEAST ON THE ROAD TO IMPERFECT.  PERFECT IS NOT EVEN ON THE ROAD.  IT’S IN A DITCH THOUSANDS OF MILES FROM THE ROAD. SO GET ON THE ROAD AND BE TERRIBLE FOR A WHILE.  THEN ONE DAY, YOU’LL BE BAD.  THEN MAYBE OK.  THEN NOT BAD.  THEN GOOD. AND THEN A HUGE, MASS OF IMPERFECT FABULOSITY.  PERFECT IS IN THE WRONG DIRECTION. 

YOU NEED TO GET TO WHERE YOU ARE NOT TRYING TO BE OR DO ANYTHING EXCEPT LISTENING, IN THIS GENRE, IN THESE CIRCUMSTANCES, IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.  PERIOD.  THAT’S WHERE THE GREAT ACTING LIVES.  MEDIOCRE ACTING LIVES IN PERFECTION. 

The thing I want the most right now is to get better in my acting and move my career forward. I understand I can’t do it by trying to be perfect but I think that in life that is a tool for achieving success that I have relied on heavily.

YUP.  BEEN THERE, DONE THAT.

I don’t have a lot of other tools in my toolbelt 🙂 I’ve never been good at just relaxing into anything or just being naturally talented and letting that carry me. I have always been a hard worker, and I need to find a way to work in my acting that is different from the way I have been working.

YUP.  I THINK YOU NEED TO WORK REALLY HARD AT NOT WORKING REALLY HARD. AT BEING IN THE MOMENT.  AT HAVING A THOUGHT ABOUT WHATEVER WAS JUST SAID OR DONE.

Do you have any tips? Should I get really high this weekend and just try to chill the F out? Jk (kind of) am I just not meant to do this??? (I hope not)

I WOULD TRY TO CHILL THE FUCK OUT WITHOUT GETTING HIGH.  OF COURSE YOU CAN CHILL OUT IF YOU’RE HIGH.  THE DIFFICULTY IS LEARNING TO CHILL WITHOUT DRUGS OR ALCOHOL.  SO THAT YOU HAVE A CLEAR CHANNEL TO YOUR INSTINCT.

Sorry for the long email, I just really had to ask for a little help. My career really means a lot to me and I know I need to make changes, I just want to make the right changes.

———————————————————-

So, I sent her that, and she sent this back:

. . . You’re right, I am trying to be perfect about not being perfect. I am a FUCKING CRAZY PERSON!! I was re-reading this and I really can’t believe myself sometimes. You’re totally right, I need to get comfortable with being imperfect, spontaneous and in the moment. That is acting. I can’t plan and then execute, that is not organic — that is NOT REAL. 

. . .  Acting is super crazy.. it makes you work on your shit as a human and I am grateful for that journey. I have had to work on SOOOOO many issues in my life that have interfered with my acting and this is just the next big one. One that has always been there but maybe backburnered bc of other things I have needed to work on. 

So here’s to daring to suck and DGAF-ing. Watch out — here I come- imperfect!!!!!

Thank you so much.