Stop That Shit

It has come to my attention that some of us like to make ourselves a lot smaller than we really are in order not to offend our friends, peers, classmates, siblings, parents, etc. We desperately want to be loved, and we’ve learned that if we stand out, if we’re fabulous, if everyone notices us and praises us, OTHER people tend to sorta kinda annihilate us. So we go out of our way to not. Show up. For ourselves. At all. (For example, we don’t make CHOICES in our ACTING!)

That probably made a SHIT TON of sense when we were 13 and living in our parents’ crazy houses with, for example, a wacko sibling who resented the crap out of us for being funny and talented when they were . . . perhaps not so much. Maybe they were really mean to us and said horrible things to us and we came to believe those things were true.

Well, folks? We are not. In Kansas. Anymore. (Thank God.)

We have our own homes, and our own cars. We have jobs and dogs. We’re having sex, for God’s sake. We don’t have to live by those rules anymore! We aren’t living in that looney place anymore. Nevertheless, even though we SAY we want to work and excel and do big things and make names for ourselves and change the world — that worry, that fear of upsetting our friendssiblingsparents, etc. — is keeping us right where we were years ago. Hiding under our childhood beds.

We gotta get out. We gotta stop that shit.

We have to:

1. RECOGNIZE what we’re doing. Figure out who we are STILL trying to please, soothe, or calm.

2. REALIZE that we are simply re-enacting a behavior from our bizarre childhoods. I.e., if we’re trying to get Susie in our acting class to like us, isn’t that just like when we tried to get Lisa in fifth grade to be our friend?

3. DECIDE to stop that crap! Whoever decided we are less than is wrong wrong wrong.

4. CHOOSE to behave differently.

a. When we see that person, or when we find ourselves in circumstances similar to the ones in our childhood that first caused us to make ourselves small, we need to NOTICE the thoughts we’re thinking, like

i. “Ohhh, I better not stand out; if I do my mother will slap/ground/scream at me again.” Or,
ii. “Uchh. I’m not gonna do anything special, because if I do, my friends will make fun of me and that will hurt.”

b. Then we need to HONOR those thoughts. We gotta ACKNOWLEDGE them and tell ‘em that we GET ‘em. That we UNDERSTAND where they come from and that we APPRECIATE THE SHIT out of them for keeping us (relatively) safe in the past.

c. Then we gotta suck it up and TELL ‘em to TAKE. A NAP. Tell ‘em that we got this now. And instead?

5. THINK DIFFERENT THOUGHTS. Like,

a. “Lesly LOVES it when I stand out; she has my best interests at heart and she wants me to be a role model for everyone else so I’m gonna freakin’ GO for it and do the work I prepared and freakin’ Susie/Lisa/Bitchfacewhomever can Fuck Right OFF!” Or,

b. “I’m so lucky that my classmates respect me and want me to succeed. They love me even when I fail, but they are incredibly supportive when I rock as well!”

Ok? We good?

Remember, that old behavior isn’t inherently bad. It saved us once. But now? Let’s retire it.

Who knows who or what might happen if you stop worrying about what everybody else thinks about you. If you stop purposefully holding yourself back. Keep doing what you’re doing and you’re gonna stay right where you are. And you don’t want that.

So? Go git what’s yours.

Love,

LK

P.S. If you need help with thinking thoughts that are helpful, listen to Abraham-Hicks. Constantly. Let her brainwash you. Yes, she does believe that beings from another plane of existence speak through her, but you don’t have to buy into that. Just listen to what she says. She’s smart.